March 27, 2010

Saudade 2

This post is to complement the first Saudade Post i wrote two weeks ago. I have received some comments from my friends that told me that" Isnt it like the Kite Runner movie?" Well, i was surprised of myself since i have never watched it or even read the book. So i decided to watch it today. It is a really great movie! And yes i have to admit my Saudade post really has some parts about the kite running in the beginning of the movie. But isnt the childhood memories included "Kite Flying" adventures? ( p.S: The Kite Runner is one of the amazing movies i have watched!!!)

But that's not the main subject in my post here .I wanted to express my saudade on another thing that has been agonizing me since a week ago. Last Tuesday, i watched a latin dance show, i saw the enthusiasm of the dancers, i could feel their adrenaline rush when they are up on the stage, their pride when they are doing this "risky" move. I yearned to feel these things again. I yearned to go back to Dabkeh dancing ! YES....I yearned to step on the stage again with my colorful traditional dabkeh cloth and dance to a crowd, smile to them, step my feets with passion , do a mistake, or even fall!! Its been 3 years since i stopped dancing ! There were many reasons. But now i am saudading, to get back, back to the long hectic training sessions, back to the arguments with the coach, back to the dancing sweat ,back to the shows , simply back to dancing....

March 20, 2010

I am Coming Home

(picture of CAYUGA lake)
Maybe home as some people say is not just a place or a country.
For me, this holds true. I am a wanderer. I am a gipsy. I keep searching for my home.
This is only because I get detached easily from a place , only physical detachment perhaps but never mental or emotional because memories are engraved deeply in my brain, and securely protected from any memory disorders!
If I liked a place , I will make it my home. Even if I have never visited it.Maybe just in my dreams or thoughts.
For many, this doesnt hold true.

Home , they say, is the place where you have both the sweet and bitter memories, it's the place that you have grown up in, the place where all your beloved people are , or it is the place where you feel attached to its ground that you cant leave it.

But what if there is another place that you dont know that it exists ( bc you  never visted it) and it 's your true home. The place where you can find your true self..

I know it's a long way home. I have yet to discover this home that can keep me with it forever.
No more gipsy heart .
Maybe one day.I will find it or maybe it will find me too.

P.S: With Vanessa 's song (Bearthtaking song!) I know FOR SURE i am coming home....

March 14, 2010

The lotus and I

"The lotus is a symbol of purity. Its roots are in the mud, but the flower remains above dirty water. Live a lotus life. Be in the world, but unaffected by impurities" my all time favorite quote.

Pond Lake in Ithaca , Cornell's Campus
The story of "me and the lotus" started 10 years ago exactly. I had a drawing competition in my school and I wanted to participate in it. I didn't know what was the subject and the teacher told us to draw on the spot.
So there  I  was, on the class board there was a sticker of a green leave and frog. So it occurred to me ,to draw simply a lake and a lotus. It's a beautiful flower, why not draw it?? So, I did and i won the third prize : a Disney painting set !!!

Another story , why I love this flower , is later my dad brought me this cartoon video " The Swan princes" ..I watched it and  I  loved the swan and the whole natural setting , and ofcorse remarkably, the lotus flower caught my attention again!!

The third story , is when  I encountered a real LOTUS. I mean i touched it, I smelled,I saw it LIVE! It was like heaven. ( heaven might be greater than that)..But then it was like a heaven for me in this world ..  It was beautiful, pure,serene,& a bit traditional. Eastern. Well , lotus flowers always belonged to the eastern cultures, Egyptians or east Asians.. It is part of their religion. I thought it  resembled me..

I took this photo while in Ithaca, Farmer's Market
So , let me tell you what the ROSE lotus symbolized for the ancient Egyptians, it is the sun , the rebirth. it was the first flower of the universe, and from it sprang the first gods.In one creation legend, the sun rose out of a lotus that had grown from a watery chaos. In writing, the lotus was used to represent numbers. One lotus meant 1,000, while a bush with two lotus flowers meant 2,000. Interesting!!
But In Buddhism, lotus flowers mean purity of speech, mind and body rising above the waters of desire and attachment. The lotus is one of the Eight Auspicious Symbols. Different colors of lotus are symbolically used to represent aspects of perfection. There are four colors, which are pink, blue, red and white. Red represents the heart--its purity, original nature, compassion, passion, love and other qualities. White symbolizes spiritual perfection and complete mental purity. Pink represents the Buddha and is the supreme lotus. Blue means wisdom, knowledge and victory over the senses.

In Hinduism, Lotuses symbolize prosperity, beauty, fertility, eternity and eternal youth. Like Buddhism, it also means purity and divinity. A lotus is often used analogously for how people should live. Lotuses are also used to represent chakras, or the body's energy centers.

Yes the lotus flower is significant .For me, how this water lily grows from down
the muddy & murky water , and fights to go up to see the sun, to breath the air, is like a human who is fighting for his dreams, aspiring to a change, or even for achieving an impossible.

The lotus carries the meanings of purity and perfection,new beginnings and the possibility of people growing to change into something beautiful.

And isn't this the story of every one of us ?

Another Lotus I found in Farmer's Market in Ithaca

March 6, 2010


Saudade is a word i learned from a dear Brazilian friend. Almost a year ago , we were chatting online and she put " Saudade" as a personal status message. I asked her what does it mean. She replied, it means that you long for something or someone that you are fond of but lost and you cant get it back. She added that it is different than "nostalgia" in a way that nostalgia makes you yearn for a memory , the good old days, or merely home . But Saudade is much deeper .
It is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, and when we remember them , they makes us live again! But we know we cant have them anymore.

I wrote this whole post because i was " saudad-ing" for something this afternoon. It is Flying Kites !! I was not nostalgic about my childhood memories ..It was more , It was deeper.I was yearning to go out and Fly a kite. Yes I longed to be that little girl again! But i guess this is impossible now.

 How free we were when we were kids? Chasing Kites in the sky, running after each other screaming loud and not looking infront of us ! Our feet full of the hot sand! I longed for those feelings; the smell of the arid desert, the dryness of the hot air, the smoothness , of the sand, the pain of my arms pulling the kite, the shouts of my mother, the laughter of my brothers teasing me, the trials of my footsteps! They cant be back again. Saudade!

March 1, 2010


I will be somehow cliché in this post. Why? Because everyone knows this fact : "time passes really quick".. Well, i was wondering how 7 years passed since i last visited London!! ( Yes that is me in the right of the photo feeding the pigeons in Trafalgar square ). It was in summer 2003..Wow i was still in school ,even before high school! And now 7 years passed , am a graduate student ! Time flies..true.. I love it when times flie..People might disagree with me because they want to experience everything before they die.. Well , for me every day is a new day and i really experience new things everyday, whether time is slow or fast! I sometimes pass by the same street in my university ( which i have walked in it for 3 years ) and i notice something new ! Indeed, I hear a new tune everyday, meet a new person,read something genuine, say something I never said before,taste a new food or atleast buy something i never dared to buy!!! So , it doesnt matter what this clichéd quote says that time is flying by.. In fact, what matters is that you "fly along with it"....

Even if your life is routine.. And you cant change your space, and your place.... Be like that pigeon that comes on the same spot every single day, yet is still enthusiastic , or might be afraid, about the place, about the people that come , about the grain it eats.!!

I think what the pigeons spoke to each other when they were around me :" See that girl she is different than the others .. I told you buddy, you will see different things on the same spot"