A scientist I am; always yearning for an answer. Longing to unravel all the ambiguity that surrounds me.
All because curiosity churns my stomach like someone who swallowed a pebble and can’t get it out.
A scientist I am in love. Constantly craving for an explanation of my feelings towards you. "What is love? Why do I love? And most importantly why do I love you in particular?"
It is not curiosity this time. It is something beyond it, something even harder to get it out because it is not just my stomach that aches; it is also my mind, and my soul.
Something which is not just physical, not even notional, but metaphysical – something beyond human senses or feelings, beyond what can be established by scientists.
Perhaps I am becoming a mad scientist. I don’t want to. And to avoid reaching this phase, a scientist got to do what a scientist got to do: experiment, try, and test to get a viable proof, maybe not a proof to the world, but merely to him.
Albeit, no matter how much I designed and tried, the scientist in me is a human afterall.
So, I fell in the cracks of randomness, clumsy experiments, uncertainties and jumbled proofs, that one experience when in love.
But I am an unwavering tenacious scientist. I never give up.
So, I went to proceed with my subject. However, this time it was you.
First you were my rough draft… haphazard ideas, hesitant thoughts and timid feelings, from here and there, jotted down with no objective, no plan, and no organization.
As more ideas evolved and as feelings matured, you became my sketch..Yeah! I had a purpose but with no direction.
So I drew a chart of what I like about you and what I don’t, of what I love about you and what I hate, of what I want and what I need, of what you can give and what you want to take. I had reached my hypothesis.
Some were exothermic reactions, releasing heat, warmth and love.
Some were endothermic reactions, absorbing everything sweet between us, cold and tough.
But whatever these reactions were, you are the one I can burn with to transform into something more beautiful.
You were my fuel for happiness.
As most of these reactions succeeded, I knew I could write you down as my thesis.
But I still wanted to research more about you, explore all the sides, build more memories and soon move from the hypothesis to the result.
Maybe someday I will reach an outcome, and you will be my conclusion :)
Until that day comes, I will be the scientist who is in love.