Keep Waiting

The hardest moment in life are those when you have to wait.

Because your in a confusing state..NO NO ..i cant even describe it as a state...cause a state can be interchangeable. But waiting , it is " STAGNANCY" of body, soul, and mind..

To be Waiting is like being a Ghost.. ..You cant go to hell neither to heaven ..You have to wait till your curse is broken.

As i began writing this post, i wanted to write about waiting for Peace...This deferred dream of all suffering humans in the world..Will the day come when we see that all madness have ceased?


But as i continued to elaborate more, thoughts just shattered...actually they just got narrower!!. They became evolving around my personal life.....How selfish the human being is !! He even turns his thoughts for himself..why should he care about bigger issues that are hopeless.

Yes that's how my post twisted from writing about a WORLDWIDE issue into a personal one!!

Maybe i will just wait for thoughts to come again and write about it again...or maybe not.



I am waiting for the bird with a leaf in her mouth ...If you see her coming, tell the world please.

The " MaL" message:

This was my first angry hopeless message i have written in my life :S
Here it goes:

Dear AUB UNESCO MEMBERS,

I speak not as the " MaL" of AUB's UNESCO CLUB but rather as a human being seeing people suffering with no one to stand by them.. none to cry out their suffering.

Yes you know what i am talking abt.

You might skip this message ,,but i beg you to continue reading...

You might think we cant change a thing in GHAZA....but at least we can make those who are ignorant and dont have a sense about whats goin in this world ..see it..

Yes I am feeling hopeless like everyone else .Yes i feel a hypocrite because i can not do anything and i am just talking.. But i am begging each one of u to have his own demonstration against whats happening:

1) You can Sing for them
2)You can pray with every Kneel you make.
3) You can cry if you want
4)You can light a candle
5) You can pray more and more
6) You can demonstrate through BLOGS, FACEBOOK, send messages, hotmail,msn chat with ur friends abt it ..I dunnoo..
YES YOU HAVE TIME..


7) YOU CAN FORWARD THIS MESSAGE to ur FRIENDS..or just write a shorter one...and send it !!

DO WATEVER u want..!
cose there will come a time where those children and those martyrs...will ask you what did you do?
What will be your answer?

Thanks for taking your time to read this message,

Sincerely,

A Human Being.
--------------------

The Process ...

Process of what? Process of chocolate manufacturing? No .hehhe though i had a very long project on this topic .. It is the process of applying to graduate schools!
It 's an overwhelming, time-consuming process.That's causing insomnia, Phobia , and many other psychological symptoms.
First, you have to study all summer for the GRE., apply it in October, then you remember since your mother language is not English; you're required to do TOEFL..Then, you have to begin searching or at least continue searching for Universities. Surf the internet for fellowship programs, scholarships, access embassies websites for any available opportunities, or google your major (LOL) along with the country you want to continue your studies..Sometimes you end up with nothing , sometimes you catch one or two..
( Please note that I am not trying scare anyone or nag on anyone's head )..
No its not a fishing technique, i reassert to you, it's a "PROCESS": beginning with the available ingredients : your GPA, your experience, and all these stuff..Then the steps: aptitude tests, searching engines, filling online applications, begging for recommendation letters, writing the strenuous never ending ESSAYs : about your personal statement, then your personal history and you future plans..As if they expect that the students are 40 years old and have enough date to fill these essays !!! Along with this process comes the control tests. just like temperatures , their are deadlines !! You have to abide by them otherwise , your product is either simply :
1) A waste that there is no way back..( all work gone for good)
2) A waste but can be reworked again for another semester.
3) A waste by choosing the worst choice....( i mean here by losing your opportunity to the BEST school and choosing the only available for you)

..I cant write anymore..Cause i still didnt get the product..i am still in the arduous processing step.
I will get to there later in a later post
I will JUST ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS!!!
:D

To Unlock

When it closes, and you lose the keys..don't try opening it by a blade..
There is no way unless you find those keys you lost !


No am not talking about closen doors , am talking about unbreakable hearts.

Running

I am running for tears , for smiles, for heartbreaks , for joy, for hatred, for love.
I am running for reality, for dreams ,for losing, for success..I am running for myself, for others, for humanity.
I am running for weakness, for strength, for fears, for bravery,.
I am running to let my mind run from constraints, from time , from violence, from power..
I am running alone, I am running with friends, with foes...I am running with angles..

I am running with the breeze of the wind passing through my hair, with the sunlight reflecting on my eyes, with the rain drops pouring down on my cheeks..

I will stop ..but i will keep running, because life is a race..but not a champion race.It's a fun race.
Because everyone runs it on his own way..

Once Upon a time In New York.........

I never had the chance to talk about my trip to the states to all my friends. Pictures just don’t say everything, because at the moment you take them you try your best to either look beautiful or happy.There are hidden scenes beyond the photos we take.


And thus, I did never talk over what I really took from there.. I merely believe that i brought back eccentric “bohemian Souvenirs” that would remain forever in my mind . And so going there by myself was mingled with mere fun, happiness, achievements, dreams, a bit of homesickness, some of cultural-shock and a lot of patience… (.really a lot). Maybe, it was the perfect receipt for me at that time to become more mature and manage my own problems all alone.



It all started weeks b4 I traveled to the states. My passport was stuck in the US Embassy because of the May events in Beirut..And I was about to give up my dream that I will ever go to the states, especially that the airport was also closed…Then , all of a sudden ( Ofcorse, Lebanese politics, you never know what will happen every now and then), everything was resolved and I got my passport back with the VISA!!!Then my finals began..I had 6 finals in two weeks!! On June 14, I made my marketing exam in the morning, packed in the noon, checked out of the dorms in the afternoon and fare welled my family at night and America here I AM..!!!



I stayed there for 2 months approximately only ..However, every day was a new one, full of adventures and surprises. I made the most of my time there because I never wanted to lose any precious moment. I recalled myself when I was a kid & when we used to go to carnivals , trying all games, never losing any minute , then running away from my parents because I knew that as soon as they see me they would get me back home and all the fun would end 
Thus, one of the best part of going to the states was exploring the new places and the beautiful sceneries, especially that Ithaca was surrounded by more 4 falls that end up down in a serene lake” Cayuga”..As well as Cornell University! It was a whole new world!..It’s campus was 5 times maybe the campus of AUB….(ya, ya there were bus shuttles to go around but who wants to go on a bus shuttle and miss all the gorgeous planetariums … and also miss seeing a deer or a rabbit , a squirrel and even a hedge-hog while walking!)...


I lived on campus at Balch Hall.,. Quoting my Brazilian friend Luciana, when we returned back daily from our work in Geneva: “Oh!!! I am back to my Castle “..Well Balch was like a 15th Century French castle!! And Luciana felt she was a princess inside it!!!Who could deny this???



And NY city…though I should write a separate note about it… but one sentence: MY Dream # 10 came true, ( ok I don’t really number my dreams in order but I thought I’d give NYC a number hehe )..I finally visited one of the world largest cities!! And I really heart NY!!! It is fabulous..crowded with high skyscrapers, underground metros, the muddle of people, china town, Brooklyn bridge, Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, the ferries , the museums, times square, Fifth Avenue, Broadway, the small Irish theater that I attended .. The hostel… and oh God, I ll never forget the Deli-Sandwich guy with his fury as if he was about to kill us all with his meat knife and the 60 year old Spanish tourist that started talking to me in Spanish thinking I was Hispanic!! And the list goes on…..NY I ll come and visit you again …inchallah!!!!


Another thing I really felt that ripened inside me was the Academic side ...Not just that working in a Chemo metrics lab, and dealing with sensory evaluation of Astringency then ending up with more than 4 Excel work sheets with a lot of statistics made me scholastically developed, ( side effect : "Arithmophobia" , I started having fear of numbers :P)....
But rather I learned a lot about my major: Food Science….and its importance in this world. Moreover, the food companies that we visited like Hershey, Pepsi, Kraft, Unilever really appreciated FS students, they want them to join their working forces because they know their importance of adding up value to their companies! Unfortunately, in my country, this realization is still not achieved..People here still underestimate this major despite its importance in uprising the Lebanese industry …Nevertheless; I will always be proud of my major and try my best to be experienced and educated to contribute as much as I can to it.



But the most fruitful experience I have ever learned was meeting new people…They might be people who live on the other side of the globe, on the other half of the planet. They might live a different way than us, they might have a different culture and a different way of thinking..But u know What?? This all craps!!! They are not that different from us…. (I wont generalize..they are not that different from “ me”) ..We nearly shared the same : thoughts, Jokes, plans hopes and even fears! Infact, what I have been hearing and reading in the past few years about Globalization, I came to see its tangible effects!! It is a blissful reality! Ok I won’t pull myself down and start talking about its adverse side. Anyways, I am a girl from Lebanon , I wont deny my identity but I felt the similarities more than the differences in terms of persons..not countries. Since on the country level like laws, technology, security, political stability etc, differences truly exist and Lebanon seems to be at the bottom of the gap!


Once one of my American friends told me : “ we, the Americans , don’t have a culture literally!!”Well, I say: “Yes, You do!! You have the most practical cultural of all!! The cosmopolitan..Where anyone from this world can fit , blend in and add his own cultural experience! Why??Because Americans are tolerant, and because they do have Freedom, freedom of act not just thought …Freedom to walk the Talk not just Freedom to talk the talk....



I came back home to Lebanon but I felt homesick to the states!! Indeed, I felt I have left a home there!! & i left brothers and sisters!!! I told them before that I learned from each single one of them something that I would affix to my personality .Indeed, I built memories with them that would be adjoined to my life each time I am going to take a big step , a small one or even just a random haphazard one!

  

Better Days- goo goo dolls

One of my favorite bands.\
And this song is just .. i cant even explain it.
It is not that it is just perfect. it speaks my mind.
it is like the story of my life. it is like the speech of my thoughts.

"I need some place simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive"
Peace :)

The Formula

THE FORMULA

Photos are like food they have certain formulas, certain ingredients that no person can know unless he was the photocooker! You see pictures, like those, you speculate the story, you think you know it...But in reality you don’t. Photos just don’t say anything…You need the source, the chef...

Scraps of An Experience

Sometimes the void paper is the only thing that will listen to you .Sometimes the serene silence is the only sound you want to hear. & sometimes the imaginary nowhere is the only place you want to go.

But only in "these times" , you will find who you are .